Submission

Following my last blog about leadership, I started thinking that you can’t have leadership without submission… I actually read through the chapter about submission in “Disciplines of a Godly Woman” the other day as well and that got me thinking…

What’s usually the first thing that spings to mind when the word submission is used?? For me (and I would think probably the same for most of you), the first thing that springs to mind is in the context of marriage about wives submitting to their husbands. “Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22). The second thing would probably be slaves submitting to their masters… These are both correct applications of submission… but it seems to me that the word has developed for itself either one, a negative/pessimistic stigma/connotation to it, or two, been stereotyped to be applicable mostly to women…

I have some friends who don’t like or agree with the Christian framework of marriage, or listening to the sermons at Christian weddings because of such passages as Eph 5 that call women to submit to their husbands. There is an implication that when women become married, they somehow become inferior to their husbands, and subservient to them… and the other implication is that the husband has been given an inherent authority and dominion over his wife… he has full reign over her, and she must “submit” to everything that he tells her to do… This is by no means the correct interpretation and understanding of what submission is… The word has lost its true meaning over the ages… and been attached with an overbearing, stand-overish, dominating/autocratic stigma on those who dish out authority…

What is submission then? How is it supposed to be correctly viewed and lived out??

Submission, I think, is not meant to be treated as a verb, as an action… but rather as an attitude… A submissive attitude leads to actions of submission… much like an attitude of love will be expressed in actions and feelings of love…

So this begs the question, what does a submissive attitude look like? How is it expressed in action???

To me, submission is recognising the authority, status, and position that another party holds. He/she may not necessarily have to be of a higher social standing than you, or in a position of authority over you. An attitude of submission comes from respecting the other person for who they are, and how they are able to lead you. I think that we can submit to anyone of the same “standing” as ourselves, our peers, our friends… It is seen in how we view and perceive each other, respecting people’s ideas, leading, instructions and directives…

Maybe another helpful way of explaining what submission is and what it looks like is by showing what it doesn’t look like… submission is NOT rubbishing other people’s ideas, directives and leadership and guidance, choosing to do things our own way… that is a reflection of selfishness and pride… when we want to do things our own way, or think our way is better… that is NOT submission…

Can we be submissive to someone in authority over us (eg. manager or boss) even when we clearly disagree with what they say, or how they want something done?? I think so… I think a submissive person will respect that person’s authority, clearly and gently explain why they have a different opinion and point of view, and if they still won’t come around, humbly accept their decision, and agree to put their weight and support behind them… A non-submissive person will diss and slander the other, telling them why their stupid, or idiotic etc.. and kick up a big temper tantrum… and in the end after much fighting and grief, grudgingly agree to go along with the decision, but will only follow half-heartedly… (eg. Michael from The Apprentice this week…)

Another question I have is… why do only ever really hear about submission in relation to women??? Why are guys very rarely taught about submission?? I can’t recall ever hearing a talk or sermon to guys about submission.. it’s always been about leadership, or being a guy, or persevering etc…. never submission… sure we guys are challenged to lead and instruct and guide our spouses/gf’s etc… but how can we lead our women in submission if we aren’t taught it ourselves??

I think to add another quality of leadership to my previous blog, I’d have to say that displaying and showing submission by example is one quality of a leader that I really do rarely see, and one that I aspire to…

How do you lead by example with regard to submission?? Sounds almost contradictory doesn’t it??!! How does a husband or bf show and lead their wife or gf in submission?? Are we to submit to our gf’s or wives?? I think yes and no… but I think what is probably a better framework and example of submission is by showing submission to those in authority over us… bosses, police, politicians, laws, bible study leaders etc…

But most of all, the ultimate example of submission is displayed most clearly and vividly in our submission to the Word of God and submitting to the Lordship of Christ…

True submission cannot come without love… As men and husbands (future for some) we are called to

“love our wives as Christ loved the church gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Eph 5:25-28)

Submission is a natural out-flowing and expression of love. Showing your love for your spouse and displaying your love for Christ, and our submission to him, is in itself the best example that anyone can be showing their wife or gf. Indeed, I think that the same can work the other way as well… Wives and gfs should be modelling love and submission for Christ to their husbands and bfs… Why? Because this in itself is a display of submission to our husbands and bfs… this shows that you want to encourage and build them up in their love for Christ, because you want them to be able to lead you in godliness and truth, which can only come from a growing walk with the Lord… so in a way, you are “leading” your husbands and bfs to “lead” you in godliness by submitting to their authority and leadership in Christ… this can only lead to a good “vicious cycle” where each partner is leading and modelling love and submission to each other… the end result of which can be nothing other than the continued growth and maturity in the Lord, and in their love for each other! Everyone’s a winner!!! :)

Leadership

Been flicking through "Disciplines of a Godly Man" again (i love this book! i reckon every man should read this book at least twice a year, and every woman at least once a year! and vice versa for Disciplines of a Godly Woman), and i turned to the chapter on Leadership today...

At the start of the chapter, Hughes quotes from Warren Bennis (the poet-philosopher-scholar of organisational life),

"Leadership, is a word on everyone's lips. The young attack it and police seek it. Experts claim it and artists spurn it, while scholars want it... bureauceats pretend they have it, politicians wish they did. Everybody agrees that there is less of it than there used to be."

"Leadership is like the Abominable Snowman, whoose footprints are everywhere but he is nowhere to be seen."

This got me thinking... What does a leader look like? What qualities do we look to for inspiration and examples? Who are the leaders around me that I am inspired by and aspire to? How is leadership seen in practise? In relationships?

I've got my team leader and managers at work... no... don't aspire to be like them... I may aspire to their jobs, but I don't see much leadership from them... certainly nothing to inspire me...

What leaders of the modern world? John Howard? Kim Beazley? our politicians??? hmm... sure they may all be leaders of their respective electorates or political parties, but still I don't see any qualities of leadership that I aspire to imitate...

What about leaders in the corporate, financial and investing world? Donald Trump? Richard Branson? Warren Buffett? Bill Gates? Robert Kiyosaki? All perceived to be leaders in their respective industries... but is that just because of their success?? I've read Richard Branson's autobiography... and yes, he is certainly most entrepreneurial and no doubt a very big risk taker and need I say, dare devil... but I don't recall seeing many qualities of leadership... other than his boldness to stand for what he believed in, take initiative and even at times flaunt the law!! again, I can't say that i aspire to be like him... i certainly admire and respect the man, but to aspire to be like him??? hmm... i dunno...

what about the classic leaders of the modern world? you've got Nelson Mandela, Ghandi, Mother Theresa.... etc... All highly respected and revered people in this world... Nelson Mandela... hmm.. now there's an autobiography I'd like to read... So far, he's probably the closest person that i'd say i really look up to and aspire to be like (but let me read his autobiography first)...

hmm.. Bennis' words are sounding truer and truer by the minute... the footprints are all around, but they are nowhere to be seen..

no matter how hard I try, I can't help but always turn back to God's Word and looking at the leaders of His people... Men like Moses, Joshua, David, Peter, Paul, and of course Jesus Christ himself "who is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being" (Hebrews 1:3) These are men who have shaped the course of history, who walked with God and who were true leaders of men...

What is it about them that made them great leaders?? Was it their charisma? their devoutness to their cause? their wisdom? it may well be all the above, but the one common characteristic shared by all them was their passion for the people they led... there is no greater example of this than in Christ himself... "who being very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in the appearance of a man, he humbled himself to death - even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:6-8)

Christ's passion was for his people... he "came not to be served, but to serve" (Matt 20:28 & Mark 10:45). As a leader he did not flaunt or abuse and take advantage of his position and authority... rather he showed the example of leadership by his service... (see John 13 where Jesus washes his disciples feet) After he washed their feet he said this,

"You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." (John 13:13-15)

A leader not only displays qualities of leadership, he sets an example for the rest to follow. We are called to imitate Christ. In the words of Paul, "Follow me, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Cor 11:1)...

This leads me to modern day leaders who I can confidently say am I inspired by, and aspire to be like... Men like Don Carson, the Jensen brothers, John Chapman, David Cook, John Piper, Knox, Luther, Spurgeon, Brother Yun (The Heavenly Man), the list goes on and on and on.... all great men of God... I marvel at their understanding of God's word, I stand in awe of their passion for the Gospel, I cower at their discipline, but most of all, I am humbled by their love of God, and their walk with Him... These are men who I seek to follow as they follow the example of Christ...

But above all...

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)

This is what I am inspired by and what I aspire to, and most of all, what I am encouraged by....

God is a DJ? - Life is a Dance Floor??

If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you're given
It's all how you use it

~Pink~

I find this songs strangely very catching...
yet the words though poetic in the chorus...
i can't help but scratch my head..

Dunno whether to agree with them or not....
i kinda agree with them... but yet somehow i feel like they're lacking something...
not all quite there yet....
Hmmmm.............................

Valentine's and Aphrodisiacs

Before i go off on my little rant, let me first wish everyone a most happy and love filled belated Valentine's Day... :)

OK... now that that's off my chest.... here goes.....

Many articles in the papers these last couple of days have commented much on valentine's, both on the positive vibes of it, as well as the cynical, pessimism of the marketing and capitalistic propaganda and hype surrounding it all...

Many people few V-day with skepticism, and cynicism, but yet still actively participate and get sucked in by the inflated prices of floral arrangements, cards, choccies and cute fluffy teddies... not to mention the more exotic and more risque and discreet presents! ;)

This begs the question of why do we need V-day? Is there any real benefit from it? Do relationships really profit from V-day? What about those who aren't attached?

I'm going to attempt to argue that V-day really does more potential harm than good... that those who participate in it, are really just getting swept in the hype and commotion of it all, and thus don't really have their "heart" (pardon intended) in it... and that those who don't participate because they either don't "believe" in it, or because they don't have a valentine, are reminded more of their singleness and the probably disillusioned perception of "lack of love" in their life...

This is why V-day does more harm than good... In any loving monogamous relationship, with all the hype surrounding this "special day", there will be much pain and disappointment if as guys, we don't make the effort to either send flowers, chocolates, a stuffed toy, a card, arrange a romantic day/night, or all the above. To me this is completely contradictory and incredulous. I mean, the reason there'll be pain and disappointment is because you "miss out" and are "left out"... everyone else got something "special" from their special someone...

Here's the question... is it really "special"?? I mean come on... how can something be special when everyone else is doing the exact same thing??? That's not special to me... that's just following the crowds... now if the guy doesn't "believe" in V-day, but his girl does, it'll do him well to make sure that he does something "special" for her lest he incurs her wrath... so then he's not really doing the "special" thing for her out of love is he? he's doing it to make sure that he appeases her and avoids incurring her wrath! Oh the insincerity!!! Oh the hypocrisy!!!

Now consider the girl who doesn't receive anything "special" from her guy, but who is deeply in love with him, and they both agree that they don't "believe" in V-day... she's in the office, and all around her ppl are receiving bouquets of beautiful long-stemmed roses (bought at over inflated prices), with a sweet little piece of "prose" or "poetry" written inside another over inflated Hallmark card... she tells herself that she doesn't believe in V-day, but yet, a part of her can't but help wish that her guy did send her something "special"... ppl in the office are complimenting each other's gifts or gossiping about what "special" rendevous they could have planned for that night... then they see her, and ask "hasn't so and so not sent u anything?? are u doing anything "special" tonight??" so she replies, "no, we don't believe in V-day... everyday is V-day for us..." to which her collegues will beleague and admonish her guy, saying that he should do something "special" for her... to which she is protesting and defending his love for yet.. but yet, inside her, she's wishing that he had sent her something, or planned something "special" for her, so that she'd feel "special"... like all the other girls in the office...

i've also heard many a story where couples have broken up over V-day... because the guy didn't do something "special" enough for her.. now one may argue that that may have been a good thing, and ended an obviously unhealthy relationship... but does it have to take V-day to be the catalyst for this? seems it potentially also brings out the worst in ppl... strange huh?

now consider the single guy or girl... they may be completely content with being single, or they could have their eye on somone, even worst still, just recently broken up... now on this "special" day, they are surrounded by amorous couples giving each other "special" gifts, holding hands and exchaging hugs and kisses, gazing longingly into each others eyes as the sun goes down sitting at a romantic candlelit table at a restaurant overlooking the harbour... now come on... admit it.. did that surely not strike a chord in your heart of some sort??? no matter how "content" you may be with being single, a part of you does yearn and desire for such "romanticised" notions of love... and for the guy or girl who has their eye on a "special someone", this day instills in them even more desire and hunger to be with them... potentially clouding their vision and judgement of them even more... they spend their day thinking of that special person, wishing and hoping that they would like them back and wondering what they're doing... to some, this may inspire them to send a "secret admirer" gift... oooo.... someone's got a secret admirer... but what use is it to admire from a distance? it doesn't show that person that you really have for feelings for them when they find out (if they find out) its you... it just tells them that u're infatuated with them.. oh and the irony of it, is that you don't want them to know that u're their secret admirer!! u won't let your friends drop them hints of your interest in them!! Curious eh?!

And then lastly consider the just recently broken up guy or girl!!! not the dumper, but the dumpee.... just imagine how they'd feel... wishing that they were still with that other person.. wishing to feel loved and "special"... where is the benefit in for them??? they'll spend the evening, sobbing to themselves, looking at past photos or letters, and in an attempt to find closure and move on, may either rip up or burn these items... some may even go so far as to start harbouring feelings of anger and hatred as they continue to brood over their lost love...

Yes i'll admit, that V-day does promote "love"... for some lucky couples, they really do have a very love filled day... and i take my hat off to them.. but on the whole, V-day doesn't promote love.. it promotes, consumerism, insincerity, jealousy, envy, selfishness, anger and hatred... how are these good things???!!!

What an ironicly contradictory day...

Bah Humbug... :P:P:P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aphrodisiacs

To take another tack... why are chocolates given on Valentine's Day??? I know they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac, but is that the real reason why?? How does giving a box of chocolates show love??? i mean, all it's going to inspire is a break out of acne isn't it??!!! Great aphrodisiac that is... :P

On the topic of aphrodisiacs... do people really believe in them?? much less actually use them?? i'm seeing more and more of those ads and bill posters of that product, what is it... "Wild for Men, or Women" , oh and my favourite, "Horny Goatweed"!!!! Do they really work??? who's going to eat goatweed??!!

Do they really promote love??? To me, it seems they are really promoting lust and sex! That's not love to me...

Perhaps the only aphrodisiac that i can relate to is that of fame... The Whitlams... "There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness... truth, beauty, and a picture of you..."

Strange isn't it... that it's when you aren't able to be with or have someone that your feelings of "love" for that person seem to well up the most... when u're with someone for a while and things get comfortable, but then for one reason or another, you aren't able to be with them anymore, you suddenly remember and "love" them so much more than before...

even more so after being dumped or being rejected is it not? you find your "feelings" for them are even more heightened than before... you find yourself thinking about them, dreaming about them, wishing you could be with them even more...

is it love? is it lust? i dunno... doubt it's lust as it is more infatuation... but the words of the song certainly ring true to an extent don't they??

Juxtaposition

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

~ Green Day ~

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Footprints in the Sand

~ Mary Stevenson ~

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Which path do you tread?
Where is your road taking you?
Who do you walk with?
Or do you walk alone?

Gong Hei Fat Choi!!!!

It’s that time of year again… the big family gatherings… lots of food… steamboat… and the best part… RED PACKETS!!!!! Yes that’s right it’s the Chinese Lunar New Year!!! Well that’s the way it’s supposed to be anyway…

I miss all that and so much more… I miss the lights of Orchard Rd, the beautiful shop displays, the lion and dragon dances, the week long public holiday!!!! All the Chinese and Nonya cakes and sweets, and most of all the Red Packets!!! (greedy me… tee hee…)

But no seriously, I miss most of all the big family gathering with all the uncles, aunties, my grandma, and all my cousins…

Now we’re all spread all around the globe… so we hardly ever see each other… I haven’t even been back to s’pore since 1998!! That’s like forever!!!! Hopefully get to go back at the end of the year… *fingers crossed*

But that is part of life… as people grow up, and move away and pursue new and different diverse lives… the reality of today’s world, with the modern comforts of international travel and work, our families are separated by space, but not time… and though the modern comforts of technology like the internet and mobile phones and the like may aid in making the world seem like a smaller place, there is no substitute for being in the company of friends and of those you love.

So happy Chinese New Year everyone. To those who are blessed to have family around them, enjoy and cherish this time of love and fellowship. And to those who like me may be missing family and loved ones around the globe, I hope that you are still able to share this festive occasion with other family and loved ones here, and remember the good times and love shared with those that you miss… (oh and the red packets too… :P)

Happy Chinese New Year!!

PS. if anyone has any spare or leftover red packets, don't feel ashamed to share them with me!!! tee hee!!!... :P :P :P

Can't take my eyes off you...

"The Blowers Daughter"

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

~Damien Rice~