Struggling with patience...

Enough said. :(

Morning Glory

I think I'm becoming a morning person!! (It's scary I know!) but only when I have to go out and do a sunrise shoot! :P

Went out again this morning... this is the 3rd time in just over a week!! this time though, went by myself. I suprised myself in actually being able to drag myself out of bed!!

This morning went down to Bradley's Head down by Taronga Zoo (where Bec and Lleyton had their little soiree last week). What a glorious morning!! I didn't really see the sunrise (was facing towards the city) but it was just awesome being alone, watching the sky unfold and slowly light up, enjoying the beautiful city we live in.

It was truly wonderful standing in the cold breeze, all rugged up in kathmandu jacket and beanie, listening to "You alone" on my ipod and just singing praises to God. Singing at the top of my voice, not having to be worried about waking up any neighbours (cos there are none!!!)

It was simply glorious!!!

After shooting all my film, went for a drive in search of other sites for future shoots. Drove down to Clifton Gardens, and then to Middle Head. There are some awesome views over there, and some excellent walking tracks. Must get a group and go on a walk one of these days. Which reminds me, I have yet to do the Manly to the Spit walk which I was supposed to do last year. Hmm...

My heart sings with the morning. :)

Another AWESOME hymn of praise....

Glorious things of Thee are Spoken
~ John Newton ~

Glorious things of thee are spoken
Zion city of our God
He whose word cannot be broken
Formed thee for His own abode
On the Rock of Ages founded
What can shake thy sure repose
With salvation's walls surrounded
Thou may'st smile at all thy foes

See the streams of living waters
Springing from eternal love
Well supply thy sons and daughters
And all fear of want remove
Who can faint while such a river
Ever flows their thirst to assuage
Grace which like the Lord the Giver
Never fails from age to age

Round each habitation hov'ring
See the cloud and fire appear
For a glory and a cov'ring
Showing that the Lord is near
Thus they march the pillar leading
Light by night and shade by day
Daily on the manna feeding
Which He gives them when they pray

Savior since of Zion's city
I thro' grace a member am
Let the world deride or pity
I will glory in Thy name
Fading is the world's best pleasure
All its boasted pomp and show
Solid joys and lasting treasures
None but Zion's children know

Welcome home!

Welcome back home sis!
It's good to have u back...

can't believe how quickly the last year has flown by!! :)

World Press

I forgot to mention in my previous post to mention that I also checked out the World Press Photo exhibition on sat. Though, it's probably better that I write a "review" of it in a separate post. :P

So yeah, here's my review...

First impressions? to be honest i was a bit "meh" about it at first. But that's probably because the displays in the first room that you see first were the sports photos. I mean there were some really really cool shots there. But the first ones I saw were the ones of the swimmers. There were some amazing compositions in this lot, but I know that for many (in fact most) of these shots, the cameras have been set up prior to the event under the water, with the exposures all preset, and all the photographer does is fire a remote shutter when the swimmers dive off the blocks or as they go past. Plus shooting digital, they probably capture hundreds of frames in the one event, and really by pure luck and may get an "award winning" photo. Plus I'm sure that their compositions were not that tight, but rather that they would've shot loosely and cropped in post-production to give the final result. So to me those shots were more "luck" than skill... Call me a cynic :P

With regard to the other sports photos, I didn't really like the shots taken by David Burnett. there were some nice compositions, but I just felt like the "gaussian blur" was a bit over the top and too obvious for me, and also uneven in places. Also for a lot of the shots, I couldn't tell what the point of focus was. Very often the main subject of the shot was not in focus, and though my eye was to focus and pay attention to it, I kept finding my eye being drawn to other less important parts of the photo. However, I did find his shot of the hockey field quite intriguing. I felt like i was viewing a toy model. The players just had that really strange toy-like feel to them! But again in this shot, I couldn't tell what or who was the focal point of the photo.

Moving on to the other photographic categories, I found many of the shots to be nothing really special at first glance. However, in series with the other shots of the same theme or subject, there was "strength in numbers", and together they told a story. However, what I found most moving and powerful, was reading the stories and background of the shots. This brought the photos to life, giving them meaning and purpose, making me relate to the subject/s. Without the background info, I found many photos to be quite pointless, and purposeless. There was no great photographic technique to marvel at, but with the story, I really felt the photos come to life.

I think, that on the whole I'm not a big fan of the reportage medium of photography. It has it's place, and certainly plays an important role in documenting important events. But from a photographic purists point of view, to me (possibly naivety) it just seems a lot like shooting hundreds of pics in the hope that by chance u get a good/great shot. Things happen so quickly that u don't really have time to compose a shot, it's just hit and miss. But then again, like I said, I'm probably speaking out of naivety, and I'm happy to be proved and shown to be wrong.

Having said that though, there were some truely amazing pics. One of my favourites was the shot of the fire in Brazil with the girl standing on the right. The colors were sooo vivid, and the composition spot on!! Another one was African orphan standing in the field. Again, the colours in this shot were amazingly saturated!! And the series of the Nightwatchmen in Burkina to me was really amazing.

I could keep going and going. I haven't even mentioned the nature shots like the animals feet and storm chasers.

I guess on the whole I did enjoy the exhibition. Seeing the photographic documentation of such tragic events like the tsunami really hit home to me how good we have it here in Sydney. But at the same time, it made me realise that I don't think I could ever pursue a career as a photojournalist, at least not in those environments. I would be too overwhelmed by the circumstances to worry about taking photos! Like that shot of the african immigrants in the water. If I were the photographer, I'd be more worried about helping them get in the boat than taking photos!!!!

I think i'll stick to landscapes and weddings. Much less stressful in comparison!!

Naughts and Crosses

Visited Waverly Cemetery twice in less than 12 hrs with T over sat and sun to take photos. Must admit that that was the first time that I'd spent so much time in a cemetary.

Initially I thought it would be kinda creepy. And to an extent it was, but that's probably because of the Buffy and Angel stigma that I have. If I had gone alone, I'd probably have been a bit creeped out. As it was, it was good to have some company.

Went to take photos and push our creativity, as well as to marvel and enjoy a warm sunset and a glorious sunrise. Admittedly while I was there, I didn't really give the significance of being in a cemetery much thought. I hardly took a second glance when reading the headstones. They didn't mean much to me at all. All I was looking for were for compositions to shoot. T on the other hand I could see was much more pensieve and reflective about the whole experience. Reading, reflecting and commenting on a few of the epitaphs on the headstones. Especially those of young infants or those taken away unexpectantly or through unfortunate circumstance.

It was only after we left and chatted about the experience did I consider my thoughts to being there. And I realised that my nonchalance and lack of interest in those who have "moved on" is indicative of life and what I'd been studying at church recently in Ecclesiastes; ie meaningless...

"All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad, the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.
As it is with the good man,
so with the sinner;
as it is with those who take oaths,
so with those who are afraid to take them." - Eccl 9:2

what's more... because Waverly Cemetery is right on the coast and part of the popular coastal walk, there were quite a few people going for their morning/evening walk/jogs THROUGH the cemetery... we found that quite bizzare! Some of them thought we were ghosts taking photos. I must admit it was a bit startling and creepy to hear footsteps pounding the pavement before you could see who it was!!

I would never think to go for a daily jog through a cemetery! but the funny thing is, it's like I said, these people just walk or run through the cemetery without giving the graves a second thought. It's as though the graves just so happen to be around the track that they run on. This only served to further emphasise what Ecclesiastes has to further say...

"Anyone who is among the living has hope —even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!

For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even the memory of them is forgotten.

Their love, their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished;
never again will they have a part
in anything that happens under the sun." - Eccl 9:4-6

Like I said, these joggers jogged through the cemetery without giving it’s inhabitants a second thought. They say that there are many famous people buried at Waverly Cemetery, but I wouldn’t have had a clue as to who they were or where their graves lay, it’s not like I was about to hunt them down and search them out or anything.

“… the memory of them is forgotten” how true this is… the number of unkempt and weathered graves was clear testament of this. I’m sure that at some point in time, these graves were well tended and visited by those who loved those who have passed on… but clearly many have become forgotten to the current generation. Their names and lives have no meaning to the living, and their ornate, large marble statuettes, headstones and vaults hold no value or meaning other than to serve as a object for visitors to admire and people to photograph. Their lives are now but naught.

In stark contrast though, what drew me to shoot at a cemetery was the abundance of crosses and religious statuettes (the different style of crucifixes also reminded me of the various types that Dan Brown so called explains in The Da Vinci Code, whether they are all true or not is a different matter of debate). I very much enjoyed photographing the crosses and angelic figurines that stood guard over the graves of those long gone. Having recently read “The Cross of Christ”, the significance and symbol of the cross has renewed and refreshed meaning to me. In a strange way it was comforting to stand under the shadow of the cross in a place associated with death. The juxtaposition couldn’t have been starker. At your feet lay the decomposed remains of those long gone and forgotten, all that remained as a tribute to their life are their name, the dates spanning their life and a few words. Above stands a cross with its arms outstretched, possibly representing the faith of the forgotten, but a symbol that will stand for all time, a symbol that represents life eternal it’s meaning and significance will never be lost or forgotten.

On reflecting on the weekend while at work today, I thought it a bit strange that I wasn’t really fazed or discomforted by shooting in such a “sinister” location. Sure I treated the graves with respect, being careful with where I trod and where I positioned my tripod, but never was I overwhelmed or affected by the reminders of “death” that surrounded me. I don’t think that I’ve ever been one to be fearful of death, mebbe it’s due to my ignorance or naivety and the “I’m invincible” illusion of my youth. But on further reflection, and while listening to Jars of Clay on my ipod, I was reminded that though there is some truth to the above, I realised that it is because I am grounded in Christ. I already realise that my life is worthless and meaningless without Him, and all that I am and all that I have I already count but loss.

A song that I found appropriate for this experience and one that reflected my attitude to death well was The Valley Song, particularly the verse and chorus that goes

“When death like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy”

Jars of Clay

As we were walking among the graves and looking at the headstones, T asked me what age I’d like to live to. I didn’t really have an answer. I wasn’t able to give a definite age that I’d like to or even not live till. The only thing that came to my mind were the words of the apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippians where he says “for to me live is Christ, and to die is gain” – Phil 1:21. It doesn’t matter what age I live to or don’t live to. The fact that I have lived at all is a miracle in itself and a wonder to rejoice in.

It was a good experience to have seen a sunset and sunrise at a cemetery. And I did enjoy in (not in a morbid way or whatever), but rather because of one, the company, and two being able to be in a place that is juxtaposed by life and death, hopelessness and promise, decay and creation, was an eye opening experience.

To end this rather lengthy post, let me quote one last passage that sums up my experience and that is a lesson for life that I’ve been reminded of recently, and a wonderful old hymn that speaks of where my heart is.

“It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.” – Eccl 7:2&4

Be Thou my Vision

Be Thou my vision
O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me
Save that Thou art
Thou my best thought
By day or by night
Waking or sleeping
Thy presence my light

Hmmm.....

Just read the following excerpt from "The Purpose Driven Life", and it made me stop and think....

Hmm...

"Every parent knows that delayed obedience is really disobedience. God doesn't owe you and explanation or reason for everything he asks you to do. Understanding can wait, but obedience can't. Instant obedience will teach you more about God than a lifetime of Bible discussions. In fact, you will never understand some commands until you obey them first. Obedience unlocks understanding."

Hmm...

"Understanding can wait, but obedience can't"
"Obedience unlocks understanding."

These two statements really challenge me. Particularly my scientific mentality and approach to things. My natural tendency as a scientist is to understand the implications, consequences and ramifications of any decision or action that has to be made before committing to it. I need to weigh up the pros and cons. Understand what energy and efforts are required. What resources will I require? How long will it take? What will it cost me? What will I gain? What can go wrong? Have I covered every possible avenue? Not until these questions and more are satisfied and fulfilled that I am often able to commit and "obey". I need to know what I'm getting myself into.

I can't help it. I'm not a naturally instinctive and impulsive person. Spontaneity has it's place, but so does responsibility.

I don't mean that I am totally robotic and nerdy to approach every aspect of life using the Scientific Method. But to an extent I do, particularly with regard to matters of significance, importance, responsibility and committment.

These two statements really really challenge my thinking and approach. They are soooo contradictory to everything I've thought of before.

"Obedience unlocks understanding"

As I think and meditate on this as I write this. The underlying issue here is not a lack of obedience on my part, but rather that of faith and trust or lack thereof. Not that I don't trust God to know what is best, and to sustain and carry me through whatever he has in store for me. But rather that I ofetn trust Him enough to obey "blindly".

Of course I know that it's not really obeying "blindly", because I have confidence and assurance in God's unchanging sovereignty.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see" - Heb 11:1

"without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." - Heb 11:6

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End" - Rev 22:13

I know all these, yet my proud and stubborn self insists still in relying on my own intellect, strength and "wisdom" to assess and "understand" a situation or command from God before committing to taking the plunge.

I desire to have the attitude of David as he says...

"GOD, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay on course.
Give me insight so that I can do what you tell me --
my whole life, one long obedient response." - Ps 113:33-34 (The message)

Tenderness

Try a Little Tenderness
~ Michael Buble (or Bubble as some like to call him :P) ~

She may be weary
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she's weary
Try a little tenderness

She may be waiting
Just anticipating
Things she may never possess
But while she's without them
Try a little tenderness

It's not just sentimental
She has her grief
And her cares
But a word
So soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear

You won't regret it
Women don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Try a little tenderness

But a word
Soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear

You won't regret it
Women don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Just try a little tenderness

You've got to try
You've got to hold
You've got to squeeze her
You have to try
You've got to try
And always please her
You won't regret it
You won't regret

Oh, try a little tenderness

Dying to Anger, Rising to Forgiveness

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Eph 4:32

This is soooo hard to do...

It is only possible because "you have come to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks better than the blood of Abel." - Heb 12:24

And also only because I can consider myself "dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." Rom 6:11

YOU & I

I really like this poem... it really captures who we are so simply, beautifully and funnily enough, so poetically... :P

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

~ Russell Kelfer ~

Feeling Better!!

Feeling much much better today!! :)

Popped some Panadols before bed last night, and got myself a good 8 to 9 hour sleep. Woke up with fever gone, but feeling run down and lethargic, so decided to miss work another day just to recouperate and regain strength.

Actually had the energy to put out my washing which i had started yesterday (barely had the energy or determination to pull it out of the washer, let alone to hang it on the line!!)

A HUGE thanks to all those who sent me their best wishes, or asked to see how I was, and those who even offered to cook chicken soup or jook for me!!! Thank goodness also for people with MSN at work to give me some semblence of company during the day!! You know who you are, I dun wanna name names, you never know who might read this! :P

It was good to have the extra day just to recharge and recover today. Managed to do a bit of reading, played Xbox, and went out for lunch. I thought I was well enough, so I treated myself to some Peidaan Sow Yiu Jook from down the road!!

One thing about this bout of illness though reminded me of how much I used to take my parents (in particular my mum) for granted. Had no one to nurse of mother me while I was curled up in bed yesterday. No one to cook something plain and simple, no one to get me a glass of water, or a damp towel to temper my fever. For once I had to do all that myself. It certainly made me most grateful for all the love and care my parents showered on me all my years at home.

I'm grateful that this bout of tummy bug was a very mild one, and that i'm back on my feet again (although not soon enough to go climbing tonight). But that means back to work tomorrow... :( oh well... can't have it all.. hehehe...

But that's ok... cos it also means I'm well enough to go and watch the footy with me mates tomorrow night!! (though, i think i'll skip the pizza) :P

think it's gonna be an early night for me tonight (i say that and it's already past 11:30!!) gonna pop a couple more panadols (just for precautionary sake) and try and get meself a good 7 hrs sleep. thanks again to all those who asked after me. :) it's nice and comforting to know that i'm loved and cared. :)

now I can be REALLY snug like a bug in a rug withoug having to be doubled over in the fetal position all night and enjoy the warmth of my doona!!!! :))))))

Snug as a Bug in a Rug

Well... not really actually.
More like Sick in Bed...

I am freezing at the moment.... My fingers are soo cold, i'm surprised that I can even type!!

Woke up at 3/4 last night with stomach cramps. these persisted till the morning. So I called in sick. Thank goodness that I did!

Have now spent the most part of today just lying in bed, trying to watch High Fidelity on DVD (but fell asleep for most of it), tried to also do some reading of my bible and other literature, but again with little success.

So instead spent the morning lying in bed in the fetal position, listening to music/talkback radio and dozing.

Cramps have stopped now, thank goodness!! but now tummy has progressed onto the queasy stage. not really wanting to hold anything down

went to make myself something to eat for lunch. wanted some Quaker Oats or something plain like that, but found we'd run out of milk in the fridge. Plus, I couldn't find the Panadol in the pantry. My flatmate must've taken it and not restocked it...

Grrrrrr.....

so i had to walk down to burwood Plaza to buy some milk, dry biccies, panadol and some apple juice.

it's such a nice day outside!! but i couldn't enjoy an ounce of it!! cos i'm starting to get a fever, my body started to quickly boil up.. making the short 5 min walk to the shops most uncomfortable

if i were in the sun, i was boiling, in the shade, i was freezing!!
:(

but made it home without too much drama, and with much grit and determination...

kept thinking to myself all the way home "don't be a wuss, or a nancy boy" show to yourself that u have a higher pain threshold.... Be a Man!! :P

now am trying to be snug like a bug in a rug under my awesome goose down quilt... waiting for the paracetamol to take effect while munching on Malt 'O' Milk biccies... :)

hope this doesn't last long...
was so looking forward to going climbing tomorrow night...
but i dun see that happening at this rate. :(

*mockkie goes back to being curled up in the fetal position under his quilt*